dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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