By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
