now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
