I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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