Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize