Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
