So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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