I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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