Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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