Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
