god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
