All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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