If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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