I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
