I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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