it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
