ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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