false alarm. still invincible.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
