Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
