I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
