that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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