my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
