We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize