i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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