I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
