I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
