just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
