In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
