Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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