You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
