soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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