Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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