Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
