I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
