Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
