the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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