I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
