the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
