I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize