cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
