woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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