i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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