You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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