Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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