I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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