yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
