alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize