We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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