And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
