Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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