Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
