There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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