My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
