Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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