I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
