then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Found the puke drawer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
