and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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