How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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