What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
