He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
