Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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