I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
