you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
