Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
