he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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